i am the luckiest girl in the world because i get to spend the rest of my life with the most wonderful man i have met. he is painfully funny, charming, sweet, incredibly intelligent, talented, thoughtful, romantic, warm, handsome, silly, vivacious, fearless, adventurous and absolutely adorable. only one week until i am in his arms again! here are some photos from the courthouse wedding.

( happiness is us )

have you ever eaten so much cake you wanted to DIE? i am there, people.

i sort of hope to never eat again.

p.s. 'whatever works' is a wickedly clever and amusing film by woody allen. not necessarily a must see in theaters thing, but i am definitely glad i randomly decided to see it. my sister and i went to see it with sara before the doomed venture to 'calories' and long walk home.

i went to a bbq last night with a bunch of my sister's friends and met various interesting academia types. i dined on hamburgers and sangria, which proved to be a winning combination (unlike cake /cry). the stevie wonder concert was effing sweet, as we were at another friend's penthouse balcony and had a perfect view of the event. drinks + awesome people + awkward dancing + fireworks = a fine evening.

i am inundated in videos and photos, but assure you they will be posted eventually. tomorrow is brunch with my childhood best friend and other nice people, so now i collapse into a ball of cakey PAIN. my assumption that it is the gluten content of the cake is rather laughable, but anything is possible.

holy fuck myspace, i am NOT a lonely cowgirl. okay? kthnxbai.

considering i went to the dentist at 9am this morning, i am one CHIPPER motherfucker. the dental hygienist was super awesome and gentle, and i told her i would let everyone know about her skillz. my sister is already in, haha. only one tiny cavity was discovered after what, two dentist visits in ten years? i would say that is full of w1n. i have never had one before so i hope it doesn't kill my will to live.

dentists always tell me i have amazing teeth, but then they get mad when i tell them that i eat candy in the middle of the night haha. overall, a fortuitous chain of events. i basically just walked into the nearest dental facility after calling several dentists to no avail. i have another appointment this thursday already, HELL YES. maybe then i get all my paperwork done so i can SEE MAH CUPCAKE STAT. i miss him dearly. he had a delicious box of chocolates and a stuffed kitteh sent to me on my birthday, and apparently there are MOAR gifts? i am spoiled.

my birthday was lovely, starting off with spending time with an old old friend, allison. i brought chocolate cakes from a patisserie and we sat around talking for a few hours, then went to a little boutique that has quirky gifts. yes, i bought gifts on my own birthday, haha maybe even for YOU. allie gave me a handcrafted rattle that she made, supposedly for meditation. my brother and sylvia got me an ugly doll (ice bat - woo!), sara got me an art book with lovely/creepy paintings, my sister got me a water bottle, pig socks and a manicure/pedicure, and jeff got me a mutant board game! i kept playing with ice bat, when my brother informed me that they purchased the same gift for a one year old, haha.

my family got together for dinner at an indian restaurant in my old neighbourhood, and then we walked to the bar. celia and meiko were there to see meiko's boyfriend's band, and they were excellent. i talked to the band a little bit, and made some new friends outside while smoking. it was highly amusing, as are most of my stranger encounters. one even proposed to me! haha. i am noticing how frequently one gets hit on in large cities. another guy asked me how many babies i want and then told me he would show me the night of my life. so far, two proposals and two sexposals, very funny.

i am sure i am forgetting several events, but i need to go to the store to acquire items for my sister's birthday tomorrow. it is going to be EPIC, oh yes. i went to get purple streaks yesterday at coupe bizzarre but ended up going with the color of my shirt. apparently it "brings out my eyes", which are not effing aqua, people. anyway, CHIPPER KAT is ovah and out!

( hair photos )

it was "mond" which is german for moon. i would stare at it with my mouth open through the window in complete awe.

german was my first language but i inevitably had to learn english to understand my canadian father. one time he picked me up and i said "ab" and he thought i meant "up", wondering why i was crying when he was only following my directions, haha. i wanted to be put down, poor dad. i still to this day have a fascination with the moon.

i am sick and tired of you squatters. you know who you are. you are afraid of toilets so you PISS ALL OVER them instead of sitting down on the seat. i'm not saying i haven't ever squatted; i have done so with excellent skill and precision. i'm just saying if you are all over the place, i hope you die in a fire. i am no longer cleaning up your dirty, filthy pee. you know you can fold toilet paper into a shape that fully covers the area where you will sit, right? it's not an art, it's not effing ORIGAMI. anyway, i am just tired of pee all over the place.

my rudimentary calculations amount to seven hours of walking today. add to that a half an hour of intense cardio with my sis and i am pretty sure my feet want to kick me in the head right about now. they hurt and the skin is peeling, so i might give myself a foot massage. why not? the exercise bike at the mcgill gym has a little monitor with video game action! only you can't run over the other bikers - to my dismay - and you can't ride off the cliffs. you can sweat like motherfucker and drink two entire bottles of water. that's some scary shit, i tell you. i also tried a real elliptical for the first time and it is fun! i like to stand on one leg when the foot rest reaches the highest point, and act like the burger king KING. weights were taken into account by all the shit i had to carry around, like shopping items including toilet paper. DEAR LORD, you don't know how much you miss toilet paper until you have none. i was forced to use the kleenex pack i carry in my purse, and it was a precious effing resource let me tell you. it makes you ask yourself "can i hold it longer?", to which the answer is inevitably no. anyway, this all contains far too much talk of urine and sweat and i don't really feel the need to mention that i ate VEGAN EFFING FOOD again, because that's not too exciting. now i collapse!

your dad.

happy st jean baptiste day! i'm pretty sure it's a day celebrating poutine. it was spent with my little sis walking around chinatown and the old port, drinking slushies and eating ice cream in BIG FLOPPY HATS. photos under the cut. it was entirely too hot and i had sweat dripping down my back, which was a little disturbing. i finally got a watch! i swear none of us have watches, so it was a wise 10$ investment on my behalf. they had to take out all but three links - which continuously amuses me - and it is still a little loose. i bought more presents, naturally.

last night we averted disaster when i discovered that i was at the WRONG theater to meet my sister and her friends. upon realizing this, i ran from the AMC to the metro, and then from peel to the correct theater. luckily the 7:30pm showing only had front row seats remaining, so my lateness was excused and everyone laughed about it. we had sangria at the irish embassy, which sounds ridiculously fancy but it is just a bar with an outdoor terrasse. after a plate of nachos and two pitchers of sweet sweet effing sangria, we arrived early for the 10:15pm showing of 'the proposal' and acquired excellent seats. we were all a little tipsy and i believe that helped the movie, though it wasn't terrible by any means. i did not regret going, and actually laughed and almost cried several times. it's cute, but by god i am not going to any more romantic comedies for at LEAST a year.

when i got home, it was just in time to call shan as he was waking up. well, as he was brushing his teeth, haha. that boy is riduculously adorable in the mornings, or whenever he is sleepy. it just makes me want to ATTACK him with hugs. and yes, i have been known to actually jump on him. i am one scary motherfucker XD

( photo tiem )

i think i get high on people, is that even possible? being in the company of someone i enjoy is an immediate mental energy boost. almost like i want to break out the carlton dance! the opposite can be said for people i dislike, which i don't believe is special or unusual in any regard. i just thought i would mention it because even at 11pm i felt WIRED just from hanging out with my sister and her boyfriend. it's nice. i assumed i was on a roll when she likened me to a chris rock skit, unless that was an insult.

so i am reading this book called 'still alice' and i should be finished by now except for the fact that i cannot stop crying every time i turn the bloody page. if i had tiny windshield wipers for my eyeballs it might be possible, but as such i am at a standstill. it is about a middle aged woman's discovery of having alzheimer's, and how her life unravels from that point on. a lot of it reminds me of my mom, as she had serious memory issues stemming from the electroshock therapy she was "treated" with as well as the depression and awareness of self. there is also empathy for a fictional character which directly translates to millions of real lives. i simply cannot image being handed that fate. here is an interesting quote that i think ties both of my paragraphs together:

"the well-being of a neuron depends on its ability to communicate with other neurons. studies have shown that electrical and chemical stimulation from both a neuron's inputs and its targets support vital cellular processes. neurons unable to connect effectively with other neurons atrophy. useless, an abandoned neuron will die."

i'm almost dreading finishing it, but if i could make it through 'i, lucifer' i can read anything. i also started crying at the GYM when they showed neda's video footage on the tv. i almost wish i would never read the news, but i also don't want to become ignorant of the world. it's terrible.

my sister took me out to a fabulous chocolaterie yesterday where we shared a decadent brownie and chocolate fondue with fruit. we then went for a little walk, as we did again tonight. we saw 'year one' and it was about as entertaining as 'the hangover'. i am being COERCED to see 'the proposal' tomorrow, despite my insistence that it might actually kill me. we will see if my tolerance for sandra bullock has increased since the last movie i am trying to forget.

i made a sketch for a job my dad is working on and it turned out okay. i am not sure he wanted something as ISOMETRIC as i created, but he liked it and went to show it to the clients today. after that, i spent the day downtown shopping and generally eating my way home. CHOOOOOOOOMP. i think because i had decided to make the next person dance for their cigarette, this is why no one approached me for one today. at all. hallelujah! james said that they likely saw the evil look in my eyes and avoided me, hahah. quitathon is complete FAIL. at least i walked several miles and bought some birthday presents. speaking of presents, three people received packages from me today and that makes me happy! if you want to know what to get me for MY birthday this friday, just paypal me moneys so i can buy more presents for people, muahaha.

i seriously miss shan, but luckily his pillow has a bit of his scent left so... what. I MISS HIM! i am pretty sure he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. both his mom and sister are incredibly sweet and it'll be nice to finally meet everyone outside of myspace. i may have attempted to buy their love with maple candies, hahah. still, i consider myself a very lucky girl, both for having shan and such wonderful friends. you guys are awesome!

i'm sure most of you have seen these but i will post them here anyway.

( SEGWAY VIDEOS )

(!) there's a forerunner in the WTF ads race: "DARK FIRE ROBOT GUITAR". hahahha i like to think that means i am awesome.

i love stalkery ads. correction: i love stalkery ads when they come up surprisingly accurate. you know, the ones that say "if you are 28, try the M&Ms diet!" on the very same day i lament my M&Ms consumption. ever since i logged into myspace on my sister's CANADIAN INTERNETS, that has all gone to hell. now they are trying to get me to "date vampire singles" or "date hiking singles". admittedly i am staying up late and walking more, but i'm not sure that translates into such. this week they started getting more proactive with gems such as "move to germany!" and then "teach english in germany", as if they were some nazi high school guidance counselor.

today is probably the best one, my friends:



(!) there is some social gathering in the backyard beneath this building. i always forget how special drunk people are, but this reminded me:

drunk guy: you're an engineer?! i've always wanted to be an electrical engineer. i love electronics!
quiet drunk girl says something indaudible
drunk guy: i love transistors!
(inaudible)
drunk guy: it's even better than architecture. you CHANGE THE WORLD!
(indaudible)
drunk guy: and you get RINGS!
(pause)
drunk guy: HEY. where are your rings?! they are made from the bodies of DEAD QUEBECERS!
quiet drunk girl: um. i lost my ring.
drunk guy: BUT...RINGS, MAN!

(!!) this article makes me cry. i'm not sure why i let myself read the news due to my inevitable tearfests. the movie was amazing, though. anyone who hasn't seen it should definitely go!

after a certain point, one becomes too tired to mention how tired one is *garbled noises*. that time is NOW.

i'll just mention some randomness from today. i'm uber friendly to strangers, and i have given out over a half a pack of smokes already. because of this, i was determined to say no to the next victim person to approach me. it's ridiculous but in montreal you only have to stand for two seconds with a smoke in your hand and someone with either a) ask for a light or b) ask for a smoke. today it was c) tell you that you are smoking "THE DEVIL'S STICK" when you refuse to give them one, hahah.

i told the guy i only had two left before i quit and BY GOD i was going to be the one to smoke them. he tried to convince me that god had sent him to me to help me quit FASTER. i laughed. he then told me how stressed he was, and i had to stop myself from telling him that cigarettes actually increase stress. we talked for a few minutes and still my answer was no. actually it was "dude, no.". he told me that i still seemed like a nice person, then left to harass the next unsuspecting victim. ahah at least after tomorrow i will be free of these FORCED INTERACTIONS.

oh, you know i love talking to strangers. who am i kidding XD (!) i told a complete stranger that i loved her eye makeup and needed it stat. she directed me to MAC, which in ordinary circumstances is exorbitant and nonexistant to my brain. i had one store track the item down and there was one left! which i now own, thanks to my determination to have GOLDEN EYES. yeah, kinda like james bond only sexier. also, i swear i see the strangest of occurences in my sister's alley. i just saw what looked like a garbage man salvaging a CHAIN SAW and the other day i saw a racoon climb three flights of stairs only to be chased down by a man in boxers wielding a broom. hahah.

ALSO! shan got promoted today! he's a smart cookieface.

i went to brutopia with sarah and her work friends last night and had a righteous time. tonight was cake tasting with another sara (i have too many of them) and i had everyone in a laughing fit. at the end of the evening i was told that i should go around with a pad of paper and pencil to write down my comedy, and that i must be practicing my hilarity on THE INTERNETS. haha. they even recounted my top "quotes" of the evening with tears in their eyes. that felt really good as i both enjoy the consumption of sugar and making people laugh. maybe i am not so shitty after all :D

jeff's present arrived and i was given another tonight, both of which i am saving for my actual birthday. quitathon is on hold, but will return with full gusto in two days. i blame the drinking. i completely surprised the cashier with my ID as she blinked and uttered "wow. you are older than me? you look really really young!. then she proceeded with what they all say, that it is a good thing for when i am older. SURE, if i want to look like a wrinkled teenager. otherwise today was filled with general slackery and talking to mah baby - in other words PERFECT.

day two of quitathon is a complete success with the addition of me running for TWENTY STRAIGHT MINUTES. i guess my lungs were just sad little shriveled up bags before, but now they are ninja balloons of steel. okay, they are probably still sad, but it is frighteningly easy to run now. it almost makes me less impressed with sports in general. like i think the olympics could up the ante by forcing everyone to smoke and THEN see how well those bitches do. everyone likes a good struggle, plus it would be completely non sensical and more relatable. like my idea for a quit smoking commercial. forget all the condescending bullshit; zoom in on two CIA guys on a stakeout. after hours of waiting, smoker CIA guy starts coughing like crazy and blows their cover. bad guy escapes. that is the opposite of the smokinglympics, it is sensical and completely non relatable, because most people don't work for the CIA.

oh, and 'the hangover' was an alright movie. loved andy, loved the bearded guy, got a few laughs out of it and got to spend time with my brother. i'm looking forward to the new jack black movie next. actually, i am looking forward to SLEEP next. insane dreams await me, i am certain...

my obsession with peek-a-poohs has directed me to this awesome thing. i think my invisibaby needs it, ahaha.

shan is back in england and i suppose i will have to save up three weeks worth of hugs. considering i hug approximately 50 times a day, that is a lot of hugs! i walked around the street sale today which stretched for MILES, and got some sun. three layers of sunscreen FTW! i am pretty tired now, considering the lack of nicotine, sun, and all the walking. i will have to be exciting some other day; tonight i am just going to sit outside barefoot, eating grapes and reading mah books. ahhhh. SERENITY.

holy crap guys, i am so exhausted. mentally i am a SHARK but my body is pissed off at my attempts of nonstop exercise. it isn't too happy about the fact that i am on week three of eating only foods obtained from restaurants/fast food places. i am not looking forward to shan leaving tomororow night but i AM looking forward to sleepathon 2009, which just happens to coincide with attempt #239487 of quitting smoking. my brother just called to let me know that if i smoke on sunday he will LIGHT ME ON FIRE, which is a little nicer than what he said yesterday which was lighting me on fire and throwing me off a cliff. he is on day two of quitting and i think he's jealous. ha.

the botannical gardens and insectarium was yesterday and i have video footage of shan spinning in a bucket seat. we also tried crispy mealworms which i would not suggest to anyone i don't completely loathe. at the beer fest we had kangaroo and bison meat, the latter being the tastier of the two. restaurant o noir was a lot of fun despite the SHAN-anigans by my devious husband. i had filet mignon and venetian cake, both of which were delicious despite having eaten the cake directly out of my hand. the ice cream was tricky too. today we visited granny with my dad and i bought a frog umbrella and obtained three more winnie the pooh in costume things. YES! i am sort of addicted to them. real shopping will commence upon shan's departure, and after sleepathon/quitathon. we were going to do karaoke tonight but i am DEVOID OF ENERGIES so i took a bath instead. i only have to be awake by noon tomorrow for a farewell lunch with my siblings, because i am not recognizing "breakfast". i took shan to reuben's for montreal's famous smoked meat tonight, and he was horrified at the being unable to take a bite of the sandwich. it is entirely too much meat for me, so i had poutine.

oh, and i dreamt that the air force was being a bitch, trying to force a bunch of rules upon me as an AF wife, so i joined and took over command, then told them what to do. i am kind of awesome in my dreams. i also led us through some epic war complete with tornadoes and radioactive materials, and traded my pet frog to the french army for a truce. they ate him, naturally. AND NOW I SLEEP.

the day started with paninis, coffee and beaver tails. then a tour of the notre dame basilica and a visit to the pirate exhibit at the science museum, which are not too dissimilar considering - FUN FACT - pirates often read the bible on deck. i lit a candle for my mom and dan's mom in the prayer area of the church. we wandered around the old port considering the numerous acvitities at our disposal but decided on renting segways. this was the correct decision because it was EPIC FUN despite the persisent warning that damages to the vehicle ranged from 800$ to over 6 grand. thankfully we did not fall into the st lawrence river and instead had marvelous fun! we concluded the evening with dinner and sangria at some little rustic restaurant with snowshoes and swords on the wall that played music ranging from festival mexican music to THE CURE, hahaha. i have no idea.

yesterday we went to the biodome and frolicked with the monkeys, then saw the movie "up" in 3d. it was horribly, horribly cute and the brief cloud film before the movie was too great for words. it was worth it just to see that. i had my favorite tuna pasta salad at alexis nihon, which is what i used to eat ELEVEN years ago when i studied illustration at dawson. i can't believe they still sell it, ridiculous! tomorrow is breakfast with my dad and possibly the botanical gardens in the day, followed by dinner at o noir where you dine entirely in darkness and are served by blind waiters. i will do my best not to throw bread at their heads, but no guarantees, people.

oh, and i renamed our metro stop from place des arts to place des ARR!

i went to la senza to buy a cute bra and apparently i am in a land of midgets. my normal size didn't cover HALF of my required area, so i am thinking they just like to make themselves feel better or something. kinda like the sizes at old navy, hah.

oh, and for those who remember, i finally told granny that i remarried. it was suggested to me that she would have a heart attack at such news, but all she said was "you should write a book". i just might do that. it would be an epic comedy, because apparently i am HILARIOUS. srsly, if one more person tells me "you're so funny" i am going to have to figure out what exactly it is i am doing that is so laugh enducing. it doesn't help that shan laughs at 99% of the things i do. admittedly he is kind of insane.

did i tell you about the plane fiasco? on my overseas flight from london to atlanta, i was approached mid flight by a steward. keep in mind i was wearing my omg boobs braille shirt. he took out his list of awesome people (i am surmising) and my name was highlighted in bright yellow. he looked at me and said "it says here that you are blind". it took me a minute to comprehend, but i assume someone saw my shirt and put me on the list. he told me there would be someone waiting after exiting the plane to guide me to my next flight, hahah. i didn't really know what to say, but assured him that i could see, what with the fact that i was wearing glasses and READING. apparently now i have to call delta and inform them of my lack of disability, or else it will happen again. upon disembarking the plane, i walked around pretending to have impaired vision simply because the thought was put into my head. i am sort of devious that way, and that is the story of the dangers of funny shirts. BEWARE.

holy crites, star trek in imax was incredible! i am a rather fragile soul in that every phaser shot or explosion made me jump, and i had to look away entirely when kirk's face was all bloodied. i seriously feel imaginary characters' pain, how sad. it also felt like i was IN OUTER SPACE. i'm just a little surprised that even in the future our bad guys look the same: unshaven, tattoed, bald and have a badass ride. jesus sweet ship, they really designed the enemy vessel brilliantly despite the stereotype.

i heard the "FUCK" when he yelled "spock" and lol'ed. i was also shocked at how old nemoy looks and don't think he would fare well attemping to sell airline tickets and hotels. i could be wrong; he could say "it's the logical choice" or something. the revenge mentality reminded me of the king in the tale of despereaux, only in that movie he banned soup (which is like destroying a planet, i swear). i just hate the hollywood black and white system of defining good and evil, but i loved that it was based on the star trek that i am actually fond of. i could go on, but i am sleepy yet again after a long day of advencha. more later.

(!) oh, and what is with the enemy's superior technology and then using this unimpressive digger tool? can't they just shoot the red matter down to earth in a manner that doesn't take thirty minutes, thus opening up time for inevitable defeat? i also love how enemies always talk in great length to their victims before destroying them. not me. i would save the story for the paper. a similar thing bothered me in terminator but i don't want to spoil it for you guys. movies always make my mind spin hours or even days after i've finished watching them.